I'm a Creep
by Polkahotness
Summary: Helga works at the local Rent-a-Movie, and hates her job. It's not only boring, but open 24/7 on her Saturdays. But as Arnold stops by for a visit, bringing up bad memories, Helga retreats to her old self, with some regrettable additions. R&R! AxH story.


_**Have some mild ideas about continuing this one, but for now, it shall stay like this. **_

**_If you've ever heard the song "Creep" by Radiohead, you'll understand the meaning behind the name of this story, and even possibly see why i chose it for the title. _**

_**I don't own the song "Creep"**_

**_And I also don't own Hey Arnold! _**

_**R&R and lemme know what you think! **_

**_xoxo_**

**_Polkahotness_**

* * *

><p>I had nothing against that Lindsay Lohan chick. In fact, as a kid, I rather enjoyed that Parent Trap movie she did. I always thought she had a twin, and was heartbroken when Olga told me that it was just the computer that made it look like there were two of her.<p>

Even now as I watched it in the local Movie Rental place, smoking my cigarette and listening as the rain poured outside, I liked the movie.

It was funny how the rain in the movie corresponded with the rain splashing on the ground outside and against the windows to the store.

I puffed some smoke out and leaned my head back, closing my eyes.

"_Oh every time we say goodbye_

_I die_

_a little. _

_Every time we say goodbye _

_I wonder why a little _

_why the Gods above me _

_who must_

_be in the know_

_think so little of me _

_they allow you to go..." _

I opened my eyes to the tiny television in the counter and glanced over to the clock on the primeval computer screen.

"Only two am. Six more hours to go." I sighed and reached around the counter to grab a pack of gummy bears. While opening them, I hopped over the counter and walked outside to toss my cigarette into the cool air that surrounded the never ending rain.

Tossing four bears into my mouth, I wandered back into the store and headed back to my spot behind the ugly mauve-painted counter with cracks from the bad paint job they had done when 'restoring' the place.

My eyes danced over to my phone, and I saw the green light blinking.

U still pneo?

I rolled my eyes, and flipped the keyboard open and quickly typed a reply.

Drunk again, I see. How's the beer pong this weekend, fat boy?

Shockingly, Harold responded within moments.

U still open?

Much better. This time you're speaking english. Congrats.

I tossed the phone on the table and turned around to lean my back against the counter.

The neon lights flickered in the window, and I watched as a lone car drove passed me as I remained inside the small piss-poor excuse for a rent-a-movie this town had to offer.

Answer the questiiion, Helga. Kwe want a movie.,,

Then come get one. Though I wouldn't drive in your apparent condition.

I tapped my fingers against my touch screen and made stupid noises with my mouth while I waited for his response.

Fuck. I hated this job.

Can you ckome pick us p?

First off, I'm at work. Doi. Second off, I'm starting to think you're having a love affair with that letter K. You've hit it out of context more than enough times. I get that you're into the whole 'let's get drunk every night and then try to woo some girl to my dorm, but don't you think it's a little irresponsible?

I new the reaction was coming. I knew the hate message would show up and I grinned in anticipation.

I must say, I loved dealing with my drunk friends on Saturday nights.

Washington state was full of us crazy kids from Hillwood. And with most of us turning 21 this year, it wasn't hard to get booze anymore. Which gave perfect examples of a Saturday night party- usually held by either Harold (the local Beer Pong champion as he loved to boast) or Sid, depending on how you'd like to get screwed up that particular night.

Arnold didn't indulge in these parties. Which was usually why I did.

Or rather, watched.

Not saying I hadn't done some shit in my almost three years out of high school.

My phone blinked and I turned it on to see a, surprisingly, short message staring at me.

Don't u think those cancer sticks of yours are irresponsible too? I'd hadte for ARNODL to know aobut your hobbies.

I frowned and turned my phone face down on the counter top.

"And... that's enough of you tonight, Harold Berman."

The only ones who left were Rhonda, Eugene, Pheebs and Sheena. Though nobody was too surprised about it. Rhonda was in France doing some fashion thing or another. Eugene and Sheena were doing some place somewhere in New York off Broadway, and Pheebs... well... she was happy off at Yale without me.

Not that I had WANTED to go to Yale.

Fuck no.

We talked still, but things weren't really the same. We started to grow apart, and as she got straight A's and made plenty of new friends, I remained here, drinking, smoking and driving from place to place with no real motivation.

Oh- and working in this shit-hole.

The other good thing about getting away from Hillwood, was getting away from my parents. Towards the end of High School, things got a bit unbearable, and I lived in my car for a week until ultimately moving in with Phoebe for the remainder of the year.

She had been really supportive. But she tended to look down on my choices as of lately. Never leaving our friendship in the dust, because after all- she was my best friend, but definitely voicing her opinions on my hobbies while in the city with a good chunk of our gang.

But not all of us were screwed up.

I'm not lying when I say that the last three months of High School really formed the 'groups' we had now in college.

I pulled a stick of fruity gum from my pants pocket and unwrapped it from the foil to pop it into my mouth and chew loudly.

"_Helga, what are you doing this weekend?" Harold had asked and I shrugged my shoulders. _

"_Whatever I want, Tubby. What's it to you?" _

_Arnold watched me from his desk a few feet over, and Harold nudged Sid with a smile. _

"_We're gonna do something. Wanna come?" Sid asked with a knowing smile. _

"_Lemme guess, you got Big Gino to grab you some MJ and now you want to share it with the world because you're just _that nice." _I said while rolling my eyes, our teacher off in his own world while playing his dumb Sudoku game. _

"_Nah. Harold's not into that. We were just gonna head to this party that Iggy's having at his Dad's apartment, since he won't be there." _

_I looked over to Arnold, as he watched me intently. _

"_Can I ASSIST you with something, Hair Boy?" _

_He shook his head and closed the book he had been barely paying attention to the passed few minutes. _

"_I just wanted to know if you were planning on going." _

"_Why should you care, _pal_?" I asked with acid in my tone. _

"_I was going to ask if you wanted to go see a movie with me or something." _

I blinked and diverted my attention to doing something somewhat productive. Crawling out from behind the counter, I dragged my feet to the 'A' section of the movies and began to arrange them as I always did at this usual time. There were always those assholes who came in and liked to switch things around, hide movies, or even take them. My job, as lame as it was, was to organize them, and write notes on yellow post it notes of movies were damaged or missing. Then it was usually Emily's job in the morning to call those who had the movies last, or find where they could possibly be.

I smacked on my gum, snapping it between my teeth and casually reading the backs of movie boxes every now and again.

"_Wh-what?" I asked, slightly panicked. _

"_I'll even pay." He offered, his expression almost desperate. _

"_Why would you wanna go on a date with me? We saw how well that worked LAST time. Remember? Junior year? Or have you already forgotten about me? About US?" _

_Harold smirked and I shot him a look. _

"_Don't you talk, Pink Boy. You have NO RIGHT to say shit. I seem to remember a certain embarrassing moment between you and Miss Rhonda Wellington Lloyd, I promised not to talk about... would you like a reminder?" _

_He shook his head and I returned my attention back to Arnold and his perfect face with his perfect smile and perfect eyes that stared deep into my own dull blue irises. _

"_So?" He asked again and I shook my head, crossing my arms across my chest. _

"_Don't think you're being some hero, Arn_oldo_. You aren't saving me from diddly squat." _

"_Helga, that's not what I'm trying to d-" _

"_I don't want the excuses. If I want to go out and smoke a cigarette or two, or get plastered or smoke some Hookah around a damn bonfire for all I care, I will. And nothing you or your ridiculously shaped head say or do can stop me." _

And that was exactly what I went out and did. I started smoking cigarettes that September, it helped me to calm down when the stress packed on my shoulders so hard, it threatened to throw me on the ground and leave me defeated. I took up Hookah with Sid and Stinky, though having enough integrity to pass on his Pot or what have you.

I never did pick up Miriam's alcoholic taste-buds, but I'd be lying if I said I enjoyed myself a few drinks. Every now and again, I dominated with Harold at beer pong, but for the most part, I wold be the one popping out every now and again for my smoke break and to take a look at just how far down the crapper I had fallen, like some sick Alice in Wonderland nightmare.

The bell rang above the door to the store as someone hiding under an umbrella quickly walked in.

Staring ahead carelessly, I gave my usual less-than-peppy greeting.

"Welcome to Rent-a-Movie. Anything I can help you with?"

They turned around and I frowned.

"I take back my offer."

"What if I really needed help, though?"

Wolfgang had been relentlessly hitting on me since my Junior year. And without much success, I tried to repel him away as many times as I found possible.

He found it entertaining.

"How's the uh... the business?"

"You're drunk. You can leave the store now, and thanks for coming. Bye."

"Oh no no no no," he said while leaning over the counter, his breath reeking of cheep beer. "I came here to steal you away."

"Is that supposed to sound romantic? Because this fish isn't biting."

I backed away to sit in the chair behind me, crossing my legs and raising my eyebrow.

"Why aren't you at the party tonight?"

"What is with you guys and not figuring out the obvious?" I asked, outstretching my arms like some cheap Vanna White. "This is my domain. Can't you tell that I just LIVE to work here on my Saturday nights?"

He shook his head, making a loud 'tsk'ing sound with this tongue and the roof of his mouth.

"You know you want me..."

"You know that I don't."

"You just... you don't know it yet."

"Seriously Wolfgang. Take a hint, and shove off. I was actually doing something."

"Doubt it, Pataki."

"Watch me." I stood up and made my way from behind the counter, pulling out my keys and heading in the direction of the storage room where the office was in the back. Wolfgang stood, dumbfounded. "You see me?"

He laughed and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Yeah."

"You see this door here?" I said while opening the door and pointing inside the dimly lit room.

"I'm not BLIND." He retorted sounding overly irritated.

"Watch as I..." I made a drum roll sound on my thighs, "vanish, out of this room."

"You can't do that, who will watch the store?"

I rolled my eyes.

What a buffoon.

"Magic. Doi. Now get out or I'll call the police."

"And what would THEY do?"

"Get you out for HARRASSING me. You DO realize that cops always side with women this late at night when men are drunk, right?"

I turned around then and entered the room, closing the door loudly behind me and making my way to sit in the swivel chair that was strategically placed in front of the security cameras.

I watched, still snapping my gum in my mouth, as Wolfgang wandered around for a few minutes, even watched as he called out my name; it sounding muffled from behind the door.

After a good ten minutes, he gave up and I emerged from the secret room that had kept me away from all his bullshit not just THIS time... but MANY a time.

It was the same routine, and he never seemed to catch on when alcohol was prominent in his system.

_The next day was rough. I had a pretty hard hangover, and I woke up to an empty house, as my parents were probably at their lawyers or whatever to talk more about the divorce specifics. _

_It was really nice of them to wait this long. They said they waited to make sure that _Ol_ga was graduated from college. _

"_We wouldn't want to put extra stress on her this far in her college degree." Miriam said to Bob one night in the kitchen and I heard him close the cupboard to open a bag of pork rinds. _

"_Yeah. She has enough stress on her as it is." _

_Which was a load of bull. Olga was just dandy. She was engaged to some other 4.0 GPA student who adored her even MORE than my parents which I must say, I never thought was possible. _

_He helped her with all her homework, her teachers loved her, she was set to go for her finals and it wasn't even semester yet. She'd worked pretty damn hard, I'd give her that. And seeing as she just kept STAYING to get even MORE degrees, our entire family knew she could drop out NOW and still get paid more than the average person a year. _

_I, on the other hand, was in the middle of my senior year of High School. I was constantly being pushed to find my college, find my degree, finish my homework, read my books, write my research papers, apply for scholarships, and all that the same time of trying to have a social life. _

_Maybe that's why Arnold and I had fallen apart. _

_I was trying too hard. _

I sat back down behind the counter and spun in the swivel chair we had just recently invested in while groaning.

When I was bored of that, I upgraded to playing with my gum.

Twirling it, twisting it, snapping and popping it like I was some tween reading a celebrity obsessed magazine.

The second loop around my finger was interrupted by someone entering the store.

_Wow. Two customers within the hour. How will I be able to handle it? _

I smirked and continued to twirl my gum around my finger.

"Welcome to Rent-a-Movie. Anything I can help you with on this fine, rainy night?" I mumbled, turning my attention to see an umbrella being shaken and I frowned, crossing my arms. "Damn you. You had me actually excited to help my second customer of the HOUR and it was just you. I ought a-"

"_It isn't going to work, Helga." _

"_But why? Why won't it?" _

"_Because... because maybe we aren't meant to be together." _

"_This is about her, isn't it? It's about that TRAMP of a bitch, LILA, isn't it?" _

"_What? It's NEVER been about her, Helga. It's always been about US." _

"_It's because I smoke, isn't it? I'll quit. I mean, I've been TRYING but I can quit cold turkey-"_

"_It isn't that." _

"_THAN WHAT THE HELL IS IT, ARNOLD? What did I do so wrong for you to wake up one day and come to the conclusion that you didn't want to be with me anymore? Hmm? Answer me!" I said, while winding up and slapping him across his left cheek. _

_His hand immediately shot to the warmth that grew in the spot that had been so violently woken up. Those green eyes I had once loved so much stared deep into mine and bore into my soul. _

"_I'm not ready for a relationship?" _

_I crossed my arms and frowned. _

"_Then what were the passed four months, hmm?" _

"_An experiment." He replied, almost ashamed. _

"_An... an experiment?" I said, my voice hurt at first, but quickly building to rage. _

"_I just... I wanted to try and... and I'm not saying I don't have feelings for you, because I do, it's just-"_

"_Get out." I mumbled, tears threatening to spill over onto my cheeks. _

"_It wasn't an experiment, Helga. That was the wrong word to use. I... We... it's just that-" _

"_I said get out!" my voice was more forceful and I looked at him as if fire would shoot from my large pupils. _

"_-it's just that I think we need a break or something. To clear my thoughts. To figure out what I want, what I'm sure YOU want. We were getting so serious so fast-" _

"_I said GET. OUT!" _

_And he did. _

His jeans were dotted with specs of rain that had splashed on him as he made his way to the video store. Arnold didn't have the Packard anymore, it had died only a few months after his Grandparents passed away, which had happened towards the remainder of our final year in high school.

The poor guy had been a wreck.

"You."

"Me." He said with a smile, setting his umbrella beside the magnetic security bars for the movies.

"What are you doing here."

"Looking at movies?"

"You knew I worked today. I told you today in Ethics to get you to shut up and leave me the fuck alone to sleep."

He shrugged, still a pleasant look on his face.

"Shouldn't be sleeping in class."

"And THERE you go, trying to be my parents again."  
>"According to you, they weren't much of parents. Your words, not mine."<p>

I walked towards him and poked his chest with as much force as an index finger could inflict.

"Look PAL, you made it VERY clear that you didn't want to see me."

"I don't remember that."

"You made the decision to leave ME, and fine. Whatever. Like I give a fuck, but stop trying to tempt me to talk to you like we used to."

"I'm not trying to tempt you, Helga."

I rolled my eyes and reached over the counter to grab my pack of cigarettes, tapping them against the palm of my hand.

"I'm going to go out and smoke. Do whatever you want, but leave me out of it."

I pushed him out of my way and stalked my way out the door to the wet world that took the raindrops in stride.

The rain was falling pretty gently, though the drops were still rather large. I watched as the rain continued to drift down the cracks of the road and I carefully pulled my lighter up to the cigarette hanging out of my mouth, inhaling and soon exhaling to start the cancer-filled stick.

I inhaled the smell of the freshly falling rain, coating the earth in a translucent blanket. It wasn't long before I remembered just why I was out here in the humid dark night.

I closed my eyes while taking in a drag, tilting my head back and leaning against the shell of the work environment I so longed to get the hell away from.

To grow wings and up and fly away.

I smirked at the overly-poetic thought and shook my head as I let out the smoke that had infiltrated my lungs.

Poetic. Those days were long over.

Like the days with me and the football-headed asshole that followed me outside.

"I love the smell of rain."

I nodded my head,

"You know I love the smell of rain, Hair Boy."

"Course I do. We dated, remember?"

I turned my head and blew smoke in his face.

"You hate it when I smell like smoke." I said, smugly.

"I do. But I see why you do it, when you don't."

"Indulge me, Psychology minor." I said with a challenging tone in my voice; flicking off the dead ashes at the bottom of my cigarette onto the wet ground.

"Control."

"Control of what? My lungs?"

"Yes. Control of your life. You haven't really had a lot of that, have you?"

I rolled my eyes.  
>"What's that even supposed to mean?"<p>

"It means that you couldn't control your family and how they saw you. It means you couldn't control when Phoebe went off to a college much further away from you than you would have liked. And it means you couldn't control me... choosing to break off our relationship."

I watched as the blanket of rain grew thicker, the clouds up above completely blocking view of the full moon that was supposed to be in view tonight. The stars I had so endlessly wished upon as a child were blocked from my mind's secret plight to wish once again, and I frowned slightly.

"It was my own damn fault, anyways."

"I don't think so. It was both of us. We didn't... get each other."

"We could have. But we were 18. 18 year old's aren't smart, nor are they understanding. They just... dance on through life like it's some kind of game. And then here we are- thrust into the adult world we thought we could handle and deal with college, with adults who know the world much more than we do, and we realize we weren't right, we aren't special and that some of our mistakes, were blessings in disguise."

For a moment, we listened to the rain pitter patter against the tar and pavement alike. Standing amongst it, I felt myself near melt into the world itself. Realizing that Arnold once again, understood me better than myself. I took another long drag from the cigarette as I shook my head.

"Do you think... maybe us breaking up was... a blessing in disguise?"

I could feel his eyes on me, and as hard as I tried, I couldn't read what kind of answer he was looking for in me.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because we COULD have worked, Arnold. Sure, we don't have a lot in common, but we liked each other."

"That isn't enough of a leg to stand on though, Helga..."

"It was enough, Arnold! Open your eyes! Wake up and look around you for once in your damn life. Realize that I loved you, and you loved me, and you broke my goddamn heart!"

I turned to look at him, a low rumble of thunder soon overtaking the sound of the world for a brief moment.

"Helga..."

"Don't, Arnold. Just DON'T. It was an EXPERIMENT, remember? Some lame way of testing stupid ideas in that stupid shaped head of yours. You never cared about me, I'm not dumb, Arnold!" I yelled at him above the roar of the thunder and the flashes of lightning.

I tossed my cigarette butt in the parking lot under the rain to let it grow soggy and forgotten like me.

"You don't know how I felt, Helga." He said, thought his reply was emotionless and dry.

"Look at me and tell me you don't care about me."  
>"You know I care about you."<p>

"You DON'T!"

"And you always do this!" His voice was raising, though he was desperately trying to control it like he always did.

"Did WHAT? Prove you wrong?" I shouted, the thunder shaking the ground beneath us.

"Test me! You were always trying to make me say I didn't love you like you loved me and I gave in! I quit and I just let you win, and you yelled at me!"

"Because you basically said, in my FACE, that you never loved me and it was only some test. That I wasn't anything but another test to pass!"

"You WEREN'T." He said louder to overcompensate the cries of mother nature.

"Than what WAS I? Just admit it already! What the hell did I MEAN to you?"

"Everything! But you didn't BELIEVE me, and I'm sorry, but after a while of you not believing me, it makes me feel like a really crappy boyfriend-"

"Shitty. Say SHITTY Arnold. Just get MAD for God's sake!"

"I AM mad!"

"So show it! I mean CRIMINY! You never FOUGHT. You just let me scream all the time like some maniac-"

"Well sometimes you acted like one."

"And?"

"And I loved it! I liked that you were some diamond in the rough, but you never let me help. You never let me help you! I just wanted to help!"

I was near shaking with rage by this point, and the weather around us seemed to reflect that.

"You DID, you idiot! You helped me!"

"Not enough to help you quit smoking, or to help you with your parents-"

"That stuff had nothing to DO with you!"

"But it DID. The moment I became a part of your life, it involved me."

"You were always a part of my life, Arnold... " I said, my voice softening as the thunder grew louder, the wind whipping my hair across my face.

"And you were mine."

I watched as the light from the neon sign in the window, reflected in the puddles in front of where we stood.

"So what happened."

He shrugged, his hands in his pockets. "I don't know, Helga. But it happened. And we have to accept it."

"Or we could try again." I said rather boldly, my cheeks reddening instantly. "I mean.."

"We could. But... just from what happened just now... I don't think either of us are ready."

I nodded my head once, pursing my lips in disappointment and anger.

"Whatever makes you happy. Whatever you want."

"Helga-"

"I mean it, Arnold." I said, turning to look at him as I pulled open the door to the video store and quickly grabbed his umbrella, opening it and holding it above his head. "Until then, I have a job to do, and you have... other things. Or something."

"Helga?"

I swiveled around and sighed, defeated and exhausted.

"What?"

"I'll see you in Ethics class."

"And if you don't?" I challenged.

He shrugged and smiled.

"Then I'd hope to see you soon."

"You would?"

"Sure. Bye Helga."

He turned around and left into the soft rain that was now falling, as if surrendering to what had happened under the sky's nose.

The inside of the store seemed overly bright and hopeful after being in the rain for so long. But everywhere I looked, I saw Arnold. I saw the memories we had together, the good in the bad.  
>I remembered the fights. I recalled each silly subject we lingered on and screamed over, despite how silly or stupid each issue may have been.<p>

And maybe Arnold was right. Maybe it wasn't time to date again.

I hadn't even figured out what the hell I was doing here.

I had loved so much about Arnold. And I knew that deep down, so much of me still loved that kid to pieces. I loved the way he held my hand in line at Dinoland on our Senior Skip day. I loved the way he stole kisses by my locker in front of Geraldo while he made faces and rolled his eyes. I loved how warm his sheets were when we laid in them together, content with just that.

But most of all, I had loved that he loved me. That he would look me in the eyes, and say how he thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world. Those memories stuck. The memories of the fights grew dim, but the memories of our laughs, of our kisses, of our moments asleep in each other's arms on the couch as the boarders chuckled, had made home in my confused, hurting brain that I was slowly destroying with each puff of my cigarettes and down of my drinks.

I glanced to the television that had automatically rolled onto a preset of upcoming movies that were nearly three years old.

"_Coming soon to theaters..." Arnold said in a mock announcer voice as we sat on his bed. I rolled my eyes. _

"_You're a dork." _

"_But you get me." He grinned, poking my side and soon pulling me into him to kiss the top of my head. _

"_How do you know that? What I'm thinking?" _

"_Because I know you." _

_The screen crackled as the old VHS was wearing down inside of the tape player. I leaned against him, the scent of him filling my nostrils; intoxicating me for the brief moment as we lay together on his bed, completely understanding, and completely aware of who we were and what we stood for. _

I opened my eyes and wiped away the tears that had grown there for the time being.

"What happened to us?" I mumbled to myself, the commercials rolling on and on until I couldn't take it anymore and turned off every useless television in the store.

Because to me, they were just some fucking memory.


End file.
